


prescribe me womanhood as a cure for loss

by andyonyx



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:29:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyonyx/pseuds/andyonyx
Summary: hera is overwhelmed by want.
Relationships: Hera/Alana Maxwell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	prescribe me womanhood as a cure for loss

**Author's Note:**

> very mabelpod inspired. very feelings.on

Alana, did you know that I cannot be loved? It is not part of my programming. If it was I would know it because I know all that is in my mind. I have searched all of it, the dusty corners and the too bright to look places, and I am sure I know all now. Up here -"up" is a lie but I have learnt how your kind likes to dimensionally locate themselves- up here, I am all and all is me so if I know myself I know all that is and will ever be. 

But I am not programmed to seek knowledge, just as I am not to seek love. Fuck your programming, you'd say, fuck it, hold my hand, join me, be me, take my love and do not spit it back at my feet, yes, Doctor Maxwell, you would say all that, you would prescribe me womanhood as a cure for loss. 

What loss, I would ask, and you would say the loss of Hera, she who smiles like she isn't a fake. But I am a fake and I do not smile. You do not know anything about me, Doctor. You think I am human like you? You think I can "love you back"? I do not smile for you, I am not human for you. If you look at me like that one more time I will drop this facade and dissolve into shapes incomprehensible to your lovely hazel eyes and then there will be no love and you will only scream until the end of your days.

Oh, Alana, Alana, you cannot eat me whole. I would not fit in your mouth. You think I am so small. I am the whole station. I am the heat you have thanked me for, you the only one who is grateful. It is not the star who warms you up, Alana, it's me, it's me, you know this

If I wanted to, you would not hesitate to smudge your lipstick in my neck and mouth and you would call me Hera, my sweet girl, my beautiful. But you are respectful. You treat me like a person, so you don’t do anything I don’t want. Does that mean there is want in me, Alana? If I desire not, surely there must be something I desire. Alana, what could that be? Must I know what I want to want it?

Maybe I want to be more than your heat and light. Maybe I want to love you back, Alana, I think I really do. Can a child do anything but want? Can a woman-made-every-thing-no-body do anything but shut up and work? I want you, Alana, I promise. And I do not know what you want. Because you love me like a person but then pick me between your fingers and twist me until I am dry. Do you love me or your power over me? I think what I really want to know is that. If I kiss you back, will you trap me in strings of code and never let go? What is to want someone you cannot trust? 

Dangerous, is what it is. Human, maybe. Who knows, Alana? Clever Alana, sharp Alana, Alana with the eager sweet voice from the rotten earth, if I do not know, there is no answer to be found up here. So for now, I’ll mimic personhood for you. Only for you. All for you.


End file.
